When you have a baby: How to live without answers | Casualplay

When you have a baby: How to live without answers

30 Luglio 2015

If you have a baby (or you are about to have one) you might already know that there are millions of questions for which there is no answer: how will labor be? Will everything go the right way? My baby doesn’t sleep, what happens? Am I doing a good job? He doesn’t want to eat, what can I do? Why is he/she crying?

Later on, when your baby grows, the number of questions grows with the kid: my kid is really temperamental and it is difficult to control him, what can I do? He can’t stop arguing with his sister, how can I manage this situation? Where is the balance between limits and freedom? Well, the list is really long…

Photo from growingwildly

When you have a baby you enter in a completely new and unknown world in which you HAVE NO CONTROL AT ALL of what is going on. You are involved in a chain of new situations with no idea of how to go through them. Let’s say that you are completely out from your comfort zone. You can manage pretty well some situations, others are testing you and there are also some ones that can really get on your nerves. You do as much as you can, and in the meanwhile, everybody is advising you (there is no way to avoid it).

Kids doesn’t have an owner’s manual, we absolutely know it. But what does it mean? It means that for all that questions that we have as parents, many times, there is no answer. And we don’t have it because the answer doesn’t exist or there is more than one correct answer. The lack of answer comes into conflict with our need of knowledge. We need answers, quick answers!

I assure you that there are many parents who come to our coaching for parents that are looking for the “magic recipe”. Aiii… I wish we had it!! But, be careful mamas and papas, because the magic recipe does not exist. Every child is different and unique. There can’t be a standard recipe for any kind of kid and situations.

To find answers to your question you first need to know your baby and then know you as a father (because you are unique too). We use to look for a quick answer and the educational advice that solve the situation. But we use to forget that the person who better knows what a kid needs is his father and his mother (otherwise his main carer). In a word, we use to look for answers “outside” when we have lots of them “inside” us. Therefore, I don’t have the magic recipe but I offer you something better: YOUR OWN RECIPE.

To live without answers is a part of parenthood. We want everything under control and we feel scared when not (mainly if is about our kid). The “antidote” for the lack of answers is CONFIDENCE. Holy word, so easy to say and so hard to apply. To have confidence in what?

You need self-confidence and, trust me; you don’t need all the answers to be a good father/mother. You know how to take care of your baby and you are an amazing daddy/mommy!

Have confidence in your kid, because is a “seed” that has all the resources he needs to grow up strong and healthy (another day I’ll write a post about that). With confidence you live those situations more quietly, in a more creative way and you will learn more from them. The responsibility is not only yours, if you see your kid as a seed you can share it with him.

I give you some ideas that help me to bear the huge amount of questions with few answers:

 

·      Take a breath sometimes. It is essential to stop and breath.

·      Be prepared for unexpected situations. Sometimes kids comes up with things that you could have never thought about.

·      Boost your sense of humor: is your best ally.

·      Don’t follow other people advises, follow your own criteria.

·      Enjoy and learn as much as you can. You are outside your comfort zone and this is always a chance to grow.

·      Don’t be so tough with yourself. Appreciate your efforts.

 

To have a baby is the best you’ll do in all your life. Enjoy it!

Photo from growingwildly

 

Andrea Zambrano

Coach y formadora

www.coachingpadresaeiou.com

 

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